Tag Archives: Funny

HOW TO: OMBRE NAILS

So you’re probably expecting some super complicated method which requires equipment with o-u-t-r-a-g-e-o-u-s-l-y long names that you can only purchase from the specialist of locations…like China, or something. Let me tell you, I got everything from Poundland. And I’m proud. *play non-existent patriotic Poundland theme tune*

All you will need (from Poundland) is:

  1. A small make-up sponge
  2. Nail varnish (duh)- 2 colours+
  3. Nails, preferably…

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So without more-a-do, lets p…um, lets start.

STAGE UNO:

1Apply a thick white base coat. This will enable your ombre colours to be more prominent, and also mean you will need less coats of them- leaving you more time to Snapchat pictures of your swanky ‘new‘ nails to people who quite frankly couldn’t care less, but hey, they’re cool.

**WARNING: YOU MUST ENSURE YOUR WHITE BASE IS COMPLETELY DRY BEFORE MOVING ONTO STAGE TWO, OR ELSE…I SHALL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OUTCOME…(of smudged nails- DUN DUN DUUUUN!)**


STAGE DOS:2

Paint the make-up sponge with the 2 or more colours you want to blend together in your ombre, one immediately below the other.

(Take note: Poundland make up sponge, I repeat, POUNDLAND MAKE-UP SPONGE)


STAGE TRES:

3Align your chosen colours on the make-up sponge with your nail, so that the colour on the bottom is the colour you want at the base of your nail.

Position the sponge as if you were about to skip to step four, (don’t, that’s rude), to check you are happy with the positioning and the ratio of colouring, blue to pink, in this case. ()


STAGE CUARTO:

4

Applying a slight pressure, dab the sponge onto the nail in the position decided in step three/ stage tres.

Use continuous ‘dabbing’ motions moving the sponge very slightly- this will blend the two colours together, so don’t panic if you move the sponge from the original position at any point, as this will help the increase the gradient ()


STAGE CINCO…Y HAYA TERMINADO!

5

As it is the nails you want painted, I highly suggest you clean the perimeter of the nail with a cotton bud, to avoid looking like you have obtained some highly infectious multi-coloured disease.

And there you have it, or them in this case…OMBRE NAILS!


Thank you for reading, or even just looking at the pictures. I hope my little ‘tutorial‘ (<lord, I hate that word.) on potentially the most simple process in the entire universe helped you in some way, somehow.

S x

MAX FACTOR CLUMP DEFY MASCARA: REVIEW

Okay, lets dive straight in… (to the blog, not some metaphorical ocean) The mascara is mascara; this means it does as Google says:

mascara
maˈskɑːrə/
noun
 a cosmetic for darkening and thickening the eyelashes.

It undeniably both darkens and thickens the lashes- well done Google. However the extent of its “clump defying” nature is questionable. After a couple days of use, I began to notice those delightful little black clumps so delicately scattered around my eye lashes. Cool. So I can conclude: it doest defy the clumps, meaning is it just ordinary old “Max Factor mascara“- imaginative.

As with all mascaras, the more coats you apply, the thicker and longer your lashes will be (duh). But the added bonus with this mascara is inevitably with more coats come more precious little black blobs. So I recommend not multiple coating.

Now, with the seemingly ‘waterproof‘ editions- there is a ever so slight con. The packaging features the recognisable strip of blue colouring- signifying waterproof, however if you take a wee peek at the small print beneath “clump defy“, you will see it actually says “water resistant“. Bummer. I learnt the hard way- lets just say I understand that the lifeguard was not staring because he was fascinated by my natural beauty (yeah, fat chance), it was the streams of jet black stains coating the entire perimeter of my checks attracting his attention…

Although it is excruciating to admit, there are some pros. The handily ‘eye’ shape of the brush head makes for an easy application (as well as providing a handy reminder that is it your eye lashes you are to paint, not your eyebrow or wherever else you were about to smear the stuff- smart.) It looks a little (exactly) like this:

Other pros run along the lines of its long lasting formula (providing you widely avoid any form of moisture), its colour (black, its black), its flat bottom, and its manufacture origin- Ireland. You may say “What’s the difference, Ireland, China, product’s still the same?“- well technically yes, but no. Firstly, China is located 10,771.2 km away from Ireland. Secondly, the chance it could have been made by a leprechaun is so overbearingly exciting I would import everything from Ireland if I was a wee bit richer.

….And the end result: *cue dramatic drum roll*

before-and-after-800x705


Thank you for reading/ looking at the pictures/  personally forcing yourself to look at this blog- I appreciate your time!

S x  (*insert fancy shamancy signature name thing that the other accounts do*)

7 OF THE BEST THINGS MONEY CAN BUY

I would like to think I have more money than sense, however in reality I am richer in sense than money…but unfortunately for me I don’t have a lot of that either. I prefer to spend my £6.50 weekly pocket money allowance on pizza duvet covers and emoji curtains than the basic necessities of life like knickers or socks. Consequently, as a result of my binge buying, my wish list shall remain a wish list until I have acquired about £50,000 via an extensive bank robbery (-or other more socially acceptable sources), so here is: my very wished-wish list of items and objects I will never own from a pre-summer hall in spring:

*WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PHOTOGRAPHY CONTAINS PICTURES FEATURING HIGHLY ‘OBSESS-ABLE’ PRODUCTS WHICH SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND IRRESISTIBLE*

1. Sleeping with pizza: duvet covers

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I appreciate my introduction to this item was a tad bizarre, and may or may not have sparked a wee kink on at least one persons mind. Perhaps it would have been more socially acceptable to title this ‘Sleeping in pizza‘- although that could also be interpreted in an unintended way. To any one who owns/ or longs to own a pizza duvet cover- I applaud you. You have such extreme self control not to order 15 boxes of Dominos every time you walk into your bedroom.

If you are an obsessive pizza person, click http://www.redbubble.com/people/snkatk/works/12801207-pepperoni-pizza?p=duvet-cover.

2. Emojis in real life- i.e. emoji cushions

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I realise the smiling poo emoji tops the irresistable to-buy list, however the reality of having a grinning deposit laying beside you is somewhat strange. I urge you to choose from one of the other 476 emojis to cushion-ise from your emoji keyboard; like the heart eyes emoji- or whatever you would so label it. These are a great way to brighten your room, and obtain obsessive house fans from your visitors.

To give your room a little (big) bit of colour, click http://yehaw.co.uk/emoji-cushions-super-cute-6-styles-from-7.html

3. Mixed emotions cropped top- or should I say ’emoji-tions’…(sorry)

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If it is fame you crave then this is your destiny. I guarantee walking around with this attire clinging to your chest will attract a few eyes- expect screaming- as I didn’t (did) do when I came across the fabulous creation. (Also, Freshtops have such fresh tops for sale- clever name really- I highly recommend you check them out- click http://www.fresh-tops.com/.)

To become famous, click http://www.fresh-tops.com/products/emosmiles-crop-top.

4. Take a trip with emojis- the emoji backpack

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I urge you not to wear the crop top on the same day or even in the same hour as using this bag- or you may be referred to a psychologist with serious concerns of a life threatening emoji obsession. I personally cannot resist this, if I look at this beautiful contraption for much longer I’m pretty sure I will turn into an emoji bag myself. Besides the emojis, these bags are also super comfortable (or ‘comfy’ as they say on the street).

To enlarge your physical emoji collection, click http://www.shopjeen.com/products/emoji-backpack.

5. Slice sleeper- The pizza sleeping bag

Food-Inspired-Cushions_6

This may stir up a slightly awkward and really rather uncomfortable situation when you arrive for a sleepover with a 10 foot pizza topped with 3 foot detachable mushrooms and broccoli- but you ‘only live once’ apparently. Hugging a giant broccoli is apparently very relaxing- or so the picture suggests. I’m unsure how comfortable this is, but comfort will be far down the list of priorities when your sleeping in a giant slice of mixed-veg pizza.

Get your 10 foot pizza slice, click https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/96236038/plain-slice-of-pizza-sleeping-bag?ref=related-7.

6. A burger on a bed- the burger duvet

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You may have gathered by now that I am a tinkle hungry writing this post- hence the past gazillion food related objects. This is an animated version of the pizza cover- besides the fact its not pizza, and animation isn’t precisely the terminology used to describe a real life photograph (< confused yet?). This is also a slightly more socially acceptable cover for your bed, meaning you will not be urged to hop up to the nearest burger king at every glance.

To order your burger, click http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/11/burger-bedding-davidelfin_n_2273081.html.

7. A grey day- cloud light and sound system

cloud-lamp-4

This will confuse the neighbours; its not everyday you witness a glowing rain cloud floating in the next door window playing ‘Shake It Off’ by Taylor Swift. This is more of a fantasy purchase that I’m not (I am) quite crazy enough to actually buy. The price is a little offputting- hence the reason I haven’t actually looked at the price yet, or even looked for the price, so my statement is only an assumption.

To buy your singing glowing rain cloud, click http://www.richardclarkson.com/shop/cloud.

I realise it is highly unlikely I have any readers left- which is presuming I had any to begin with- after unintentionally urging them to go to every other webpage but this one. Even so I would just like to say thank you for reading- please spend responsibly (< is that off an advert?).

S x