So, you may ask why the featured image for this post is four what appear to be floating bags. You ask this either because you genuinely believe bags can levitate (which, to clarify, they cant), or you just haven’t got round to reading the conveniently named title yet. I can assure you; this blog cannot- and will not- teach you the power of levitation, or even the meaning of the word. No, if that is your destiny, youtube is a much more suitable source.
Right, now I may have lost half the readers to a levitating youtube video (that is a video on levitation, not a video which can levitate…), it may prove highly beneficial to actually get on with the damn blog, before I loose the other half via boredom inflicted death. So here goes, 6 ways to easily (and safely) hack life:
- Hack numero uno: The miraculously longer ponytail- with miraculously less long hair.
This is potentially a hack within a hack. You may have been hacked (<METAPHORICALLY) into thinking this is a hack to hack hair growth. Now besides the gazillion mentions of the word “hack”, I can tell you it isn’t. This hack (here we go again) is a way to imitate the look of a longer, fuller pony by creating two ponytails- a high and a low- which together create…well, a longer, fuller pony tail.
2. Hack dos: Longer lasting waves- without the longer lasting discomfort of curlers or plaits.
Hacking the hack again. This may just look like a women with ocd which cannot stand curly plait nubs (), but in reality, the women most probably doesn’t have ocd, or curly plait nubs, which rules out that option. Running a straightener (or ‘flat iron’– if you are of the American type) over plaited hair crimps and curls the hair- leaving you with long lasting locks.
3. Tres: The correct way to perfume- ‘all day formula’ as the adverts say.
No hacked hack here (< tongue twister much?), just the right places to apply perfume; which makes you wonder, what are classed as the ‘wrong’ places? Feet? Belly button? They all sound credible places to me- perhaps the ‘wrong’ is the awkward moment when the scent of Justin Beiber begins arrising from between your toes. Awkward.
4. Numero cuatro: matte lipstick- without the lipstick being matted.
Using eye shadow on your lips both defeats the objective of the product, and the comfort of your lips- but hey, at least your lips look matted! Applying a dab of appropriately coloured powder over lipstick conceals the shine and voila- you have made matted lipstick (and saved a few million pounds).
5. Cinco: summer dress- from a baggy t-shirt.
No double wammy with the hacks- “what you see is what you get”, so to speak. It is apparently so easy, it is possible to model the process outside your own front door- or so the picture suggests. It looks great, but what is there to stop it unravelling again? I propose (metaphorically) the discreet use of a safety pin, to avoid what could be a rather embarrassing and quite frankly awkward situation.
6. Numero seis: All in one eye-liner and lash curler…for real.
So that is…”line” (the top of the lash curler), “curl” (using the lash curler), and then your’e “done” (with the last curler). This is the ultimate hacked hack of the hacks, hence its position at the end of the post, in the hope everyone will have lost interest and left me and my all-in-last curler to be happy hacking hacks together.
If you have managed so reach this point, you are either bored beyond hope, lost from whatever webpage you originated from, or have somehow managed to enjoy my scrag of a post. Either way, I thank you.